Betty ford says i'm here all night
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
