Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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