Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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