Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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