theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
