google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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