i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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