I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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