i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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