you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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