Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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