I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
