i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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