So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
