just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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