Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
