you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
