I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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