She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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