hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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