I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
