I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
