last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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