the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
