my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
