If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
