The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
