Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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