I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
