does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
