Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Hi

(805): View more from California

Babe...You're really smothering me right now

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.

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(585): View more from New York

He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.

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(707): View more from California

They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven

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(513): View more from Ohio

Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.

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(515): View more from Iowa

WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????

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(208): View more from Idaho

I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".

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