You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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