that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
