I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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