apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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