too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
