I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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