I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
