the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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