If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
