New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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