Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
