So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
