New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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