he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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