Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
