I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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