just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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