I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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