I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
