I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
