remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
