okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
