For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
