That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
