she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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