just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
