My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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