Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
