does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
