I just made out with a guy for $7.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
