we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
