You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Swine flu. Run for my life!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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