I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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