Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
