You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize