We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I did not marry a roomba.
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