Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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