Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
