Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
