I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
