her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
