i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize