my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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