I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My ass is underappreciated
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
