respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
