DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
