Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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