She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
