I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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