Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
