Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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