I just pynch a tree in the face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
