oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
