The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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