They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
