All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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