This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
