We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
