I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
