she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
