So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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