im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
