i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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