how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize