I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
