we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize