Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
