I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
