Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
