My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
