He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
