he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My bed smells like the plague
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