she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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