i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
