so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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