Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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