She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm both gender and math confused
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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